This week was shorter than normal yet it felt longer because I have embarked on a new job which has a lot of training in admin systems and animal diagnostic equipment as well as lab-accessories. Do not get me wrong, I really love the challenge and the fact that the company really takes care of its employees, I like that it is international as well yet I put a lot if not all of my energy into it, it is much tougher than I had expected. I did not expect it to be easy, just a tiny bit less exhausting.
Additional to this very obvious investment of energy and time I faced other situations this week which claimed its share of me as well. A lot is going on behind the scenes, I have people in my life scrutinizing my every step. We all know people like this of course, those who try to get under your skin. Deep down I do however have faith in that these people are in this world to teach me and others something.
You see even super smart people can be like this, carving into your brain and looking down on you, making you doubt if you are good enough or smart enough, yet this particular activity is something even people with a low IQ can do. Sometimes people get me wrong or shares their thoughts of me to others even when these are incorrect I wish it did not affect me but all too often it does. It takes a lot of energy to put it aside and try to ignore it. If people like that were less fortunate as far as intelligence goes I could easily have put it aside and just excused it. Why? At least they have an excuse I guess. Someone once told me, Annie do not spend so much energy on people that want to hurt you or that act like idiots. I admit this person is right, at least partly and yet sometimes it costs we a lot of energy to bite my tongue ...to just be quiet when people are acting unfair, unreasonable or insulting. I am learning to retain the urge to answer back even if it might seem right to me. It is something everyone have to go through once in a while. Still, when I take a step "out of my box" in order to look at this from a different angle I realize that despite my best intentions I can sometimes seem harsh and unreasonable as well.
Let me explain. It can be difficult to understand how you make other people feel. No matter how hard you try or want to be nice the misinterpretation of communication and the person behind the words you can never be entirely right. Even a super-smart person poking me or being pushy with his or her opinions (seen from my angle) are not able to understand me completely. Heck they might not even want to understand me! All they see is my mirror of what I think I see and how that makes me feel even if I am not aware that I do this. And humans try to mirror each other endlessly in order to fit in or ¨fight¨ to protect themselves. So with the reactions I project as a response to what I think I see or to certain things that annoy me I am in fact making an avalanche of mirror behaviour! So does this mean I should blame myself endlessly (like I sometimes to do) or are there other ways to deal with it?
Well I can tell you I am still trying to find a balance. I suppose I am rather sensitive without clearly expressing that I am. Sometimes it has its advantages and other times...well it makes it an even bigger challenge to let go of certain situations with people that to me seem mean and inconsiderate and if I may say so rather anti-social.... (ranting altert!)
Moving abroad has certainly made me understand that these situations can occur anywhere, anytime and to anyone. Sometimes small changes in our own behaviour can make other people adapt their own ways of conduct whilst others will stick to their ¨guns¨. We are only humans and not everyone change for the greater good of those around them. AND even-though I tend to over-think these things I do wish (especially on days like these) I had the key to solve these challenging situations to make the best outcome for everyone.
xxx Viking
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