Beauty in Perspective?

Hi there lovely people,

A different subject today, something that is rather diverts from what I usually write about and I was inspired by a conversation I had with a dear friend a few days ago. It happens from time to time that I sit down with a good friend with a nice glass of dry white wine and we start chatting about everything and nothing at all. In one of of these conversations I think we spoke about jealousy and how it affects us in our lives. Do not think I ever felt real jealous at anyone I said, but this does not mean that I think I am smarter or more pretty then others at all.  I said to my friend  that I can certainly feel insecure sometimes if I am with someone I really really like and a beautiful intelligent lady walks up and uses her charm...yes indeed I feel small but I think I have enough self-respect and respect for others to just let it be and accept that yes there are always people who are gonna be better, smarter or more pretty than me. 

To me jealousy is a dark side of people I tend to not like, because to me it seems to be an excuse to be nasty to people who they envy be it in real flesh or online. As far as that goes I feel like people get ugly when they exercise nasty behaviour just because of their  insecurity. I think THAT is the most unattractive trait a person can have in my perspective. I have met enough people in my life who are nasty to me and later on when confronted I get told ¨Oh but you have to understand I am a jealous person so I just see red when someone gets more attention than me! I am sorry I could not help myself...¨ Maybe I am just sick of getting the door slammed in my face by such people or maybe it is the fact that I KNOW one always have a choice to be nice or just mean (to put it bluntly). My tolerance is low for these kind of behaviours and those excuses are nothing more to me than a sad flow of words that are gone with the wind because THAT person does not take responsibility for their own actions but blames it on this...this sad thing called jealousy. You always have a choice , I cannot even imagine how the world would be like if everyone used jealousy as an excuse to hurt others.

Real beauty to me is caring people who despite having insecurities and all do their best to care for their next. Real beauty to me is intelligence and kindness and empathy all coiled into a person. My friend agreed with me though I am sure many people might not. The conversation was about the infamous loss of men to the better looking and smarter lady... that person who always seem to win. My friend took my hand as I was telling her a story like that and when I looked up she said ¨Annie, you are beautiful and intelligent. I hope you know that...¨ 

I realized how pathetic and sad I sounded in a way and again there were some wet patches burning in the corner of my eyes (though I refused to cry of course being VIKING!). Because although I have some confidence it has been pushed aside too many times to make way for my reality. My reality is based on what I experienced in all my years on this planet. And even if I think I got better and more confident about how I look at myself I sure have a long way to go. I do think a lot of people struggle to look in the mirror though and I think all the selfies and likes in the world cannot change that. But maybe, little by little we can start treating each other with kindness and the way we would like to be treated in order to restore a bit of everyone´s self-confidence. Just because someone looks polished, pretty and even if you see them as intelligent or perfect it does not mean that they feel like that. Just because someone has a sixpack and goes to the gym almost every day, this does not mean they do not have insecurities. Just because someone has lots of money or lots of friends it does not mean they do not feel lonely or imperfect etc.

People are sometimes too busy to see it, they expect an insecure person to act out or to spend all day crying in front of the mirror. People expect one to wear ugly clothes or hide away I suppose and not have a life. Some people certainly misjudged me and thought me arrogant more than once and I am sure I have done the same to other people. But next time you feel someone is better than you and you feel a small sting of envy or tell your friend about the beautiful scientist with the big chest and small waist just remember....it is a person who might have the same complex emotions of insecurity as you do. I think by talking like that about other people we do not necessarily hurt the person so much (though it might, who knows) but more ourselves and the image and expectation the outside world has for us. 

We all have our stories that has shaped us, and just because someone has what you do not...it does not mean we have the right to assume we know who they are or how they feel or where they came from. Equally it does not mean we should feel less than them should one miss what they have. It can be difficult, but our choices are ours to make.

x Viking

Vegan weekend

Hey there,

Weekend of celebrating is over and it is time to get back to business. I feel very relaxed and happy at the moment, it is as if I am starting fresh and making plans how to create something for myself and this time I will not loose focus!

It will be hard work, long hours sometimes work in the weekends as well but hey... it is all with a plan in mind. Last year was filled with too many events and influences in both good and bad ways. This year I have decided to be selfish and just focus on me and my career and my friends and to heck with all the rest. Though I realize not to get distracted will be a challenge for me, because I tend to be busy with many things at the same time all the time and well I hope I will manage to focus my energy this time.

This weekend was spent in Amsterdam with friends, on Friday I went to a Jamaican vegan place called Terra Zen were I had some street vegan food which was pretty good I must say. Nevermind the decor and the somewhat lazy service it was great because of the weirdness of it all, the cool chef and the good company of  my friend Gabi. Later on we went out in Amsterdam and had some drinks, it was her birthday present to me so it felt real special. We can speak about everything and nothing, I tend to only hang with these kind of people these days. People unafraid to be themselves and certainly not scared to say what they think. I like this, it makes me a better person and it keeps me aware of the world around me outside my ¨Viking bubble¨. 

Saturday I went to a part of a national park in Bussum, it was coooold but lovely and later I was cooking! Pretty darn proud of that curry actually and must say it was nice to have people around me who just appreciate the simplicity of staying at home, enjoy CSI Miami , playing with the cat, a good meal, good talks , good walk and exquisite wine of course. 

Tomorrow I head to Zandvoort again to check how a normal work day is at the hotel. After that I am going to send an application to a bar I know near Keizersgracht in Amsterdam. Finally I am keeping an eye on places for Freya and myself, the house is getting crowded and it is time to find something on my own maybe?

Not sure about living alone, I tend to not like it but somehow it feels like I should try it if I go look for a new place to live. Just nervous because I have not lived alone in many many years and it is kind of scary if I am honest. Oh well, I have some time to decide so no rush hehehe.

I hope you had a nice weekend! :) take care

xxViking

Plan B Created!

Hola good folk!

Finally some good news to tell, I found a temp-job and that will 2 temp-jobs to make ends meet. This of course means that I can stay even if the jobs is in a bar and a hotel. Meanwhile I will and should have enough time left to write on my book again and try to make a business plan for my start-up! To think that I was so close to have to go back to Norway is insane! When doing part-time work on the side I am confident I could write more and be more flexible. It feels like such a relief to have something to do and to start to get my financial situation back on track. It feels like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders and the work is really physical and social so my mind can be occupied a bit and stimulated to write! No more sleepless nights! Well not due to my mind going into overdrive anyway. 

Saturday I have an interview for a bartender job in Amsterdam I think so hopefully this will be a good match so life has a fun aspect to it as well as some extra cash! :D Both jobs are nothing big but a start so I can get back into the work-groove and earn a bit of money so I can stay in the Netherlands!!!! Needless to say I will celebrate this with friends! Today I am heading to Amsterdam and the next 3 days will pretty much be Amsterdam all the way as well with the best friends a girl could ask for! :D Really, I feel so lucky to have them in my life and their support has been massive in these difficult months. If everyone had these kind of friends there would be no one out there feeling alone. I kind of hope I am able to give them what they have given me in terms of support when they need it. Sometimes it feels like they exceed my expectation of what a friend should do for another friend and that is quite something. 

I will keep looking for fulltime positions in my own field of course but for now this is perfectly fine!  

Today when I got up I was to tired to realise I was not in a rush, I somehow was convinced I was late and then I saw the snow outside!!!! (Often meaning the trains have delays or are not going!) That meant I would probably be late for my interview so I ran to the bike and got my butt butt to Haarlem station. The trains were going luckily and the sky was clearing up! Well seated in the train to Zandvoort I realize I am an hour too early hehehe (typical!) and what better way then to prepare for a interview then to have a stroll at the beautiful beach next to the hotel?! I am so happy right now that I will let my pictures speak for themselves!

xxx Happy Viking!

Integration in a new culture

Hello dear readers,

It is funny how it works, I remember when I first came to the Netherlands. I was anything except impressed by the culture and I missed both Norway and the UK so much I used to get rather upset thinking I would stay in this country forever... However, somewhere on this bizarre journey something changed. I think it was when I worked in the animal shelter DBCA. The people I met there somehow all felt like family and it was the first time I felt welcome in a workplace, it was also a big change that I was suddenly single a year later and had to decide on my own behalf whether or not I would stay. After everything that went down, and after careful consideration I decided to stay in the Netherlands. The reasons why I wanted to leave were still there but the reasons why I wanted to stay had appeared and they were called friends. I had also started to read about the history and culture of this country which made a lot of things make sense and interesting. Another reason as to why found friends in all kinds of corners because I had learned the language and therefore removed another barrier. It felt nice to be a part of the expat community all of the sudden as well as finally integrating in the Dutch society. Maybe that was the thing, it took time to adapt and to get to know new people for me at that point in time. Because in the beginning I was busy just trying to be the perfect partner for the guy I was with and that was a task because no matter how hard I tried I never felt good enough. This was entirely my own fault though, it took time to realise that but I did. I had let myself become this silent person who just nods and agrees and takes insult after insult because of what? Love? Yes it was my fault and this is something I slowly started to realise when I started working at DBCA. Finally that stubborn girl I had buried deep down was fighting back and starting to become her own person and with that detaching herself from what she considered to be love. 

It was a hard possess and even after the break it took a long time to find my own voice and to be honest I think I am still working on it. Being my own person or at least becoming my own person was a big part of adapting to this new country and it´s culture. Taking time to read the books I was into and to spend time with new people after work was something I rarely had done up until that point. Sometimes you get so caught up in something that it is the only thing that seems to matter. It is not healthy yet many people do it anyway. The world is so much more though and it makes me think that maybe as single I could adapt to different countries much more easy than when in a relationship. I guess it depends which mindset one is in. For the moment though, I really like the Netherlands and I like to see the different cities that have architecture influenced by the Catholics and the Spanish and the golden age, and I also like to see the more modern architecture  like the ones you find in Rotterdam. I like to do random stuff and go places with friends and do things that were not planned. I like to live life in a way that will surprise me (at least to a certain extent).

This country as well as many others I am sure, has a lot to offer. And people are open, well if you are open to them that is. It is what I had to learn on my own and I had to learn that no person for that matter should have this effect on me where I just disappear or try to strive for the impossible picture of perfection.

I am glad I stayed and even if I end up leaving I might just learn something new about me and the people that ends up in my life. I might learn new things about my own country or other countries I might end up in.

Either way, it would be nice to stay in the Netherlands and start a life here just not sure what the odds are for this happening right now. We shall see, I am still trying to pull some strings to make it happen in any case.

xx VIking

The Imperfections

Dear Readers,

I am sorry if my last post seemed really negative, it was not meant to be. It was just the truth about how things were going for me right now. No one wish more than me that the situation was different at the moment, that I could tell you I had good news. Many of you, including my friends know me as an easygoing person, someone careless and cheerful and maybe even many of you see me as a strong-minded or tenacious person.  Well, I am only human and not made out of rocks nor of super materials that makes me unable to feel sad or upset when things get to me or go the wrong way in my life. The last months have been tough, tougher than what I sometimes dare to admit. Because although I would love to say I have superpowers and the ability to always stay positive so people will not worry or see me in a certain way the fact it I am like anyone else made out of flesh and blood and I have negative feelings too like the next person. We stumble through life like toddlers really, it is a trial error thing. I guess the difference is that most people do not share some of their experiences and feelings in a blog.

A friend I once knew told me a few months ago he did not like how I felt or saw life in this moment. As is his right, yet when I read this statement it hurt. There is nothing more disappointing then to see that you have been put on a pedestal by people and they think you can handle anything with grace and when you do not the image of you has been stained. 

The truth is I have been strong for a very long time and hopefully the fact that I am now ¨cracking¨ up a bit in the seems and mocking my own defeat will be a laughing matter in the near future. No one and I mean no one likes to be sad or upset and let alone to write about it (admitting it on paper!) and especially not me. Yet one has to face the truth at some point and sometimes the only way for me to be honest about things is to write. In a year I am sure I will look back with a totally different feel about things. Because maybe in a year I have found a job I can build a career in and maybe in a year it will seem silly that I worried about these things. Yes, in a year I would like to sit down over coffee and feel stronger because I went through these though months, but right now I struggle some days because things are not as easy as they seem, even on paper. Of course I could choose to get angry about it, but what good will it do? Besides the energy I have can better be spent on trying to find a job or to write something that might help me put things in perspective.

If I could predict where I will be in a year and what I would be doing, I won´t lie and say that would not be handy. In this way I guess I like to control things a bit, have some sort of notion about what will happen so I can make more calculated decisions. Finally, I am so much more than this blog and though it may seem like I am sharing my whole life, this blog is but a mere tip of what is really playing part in my life. I understand that not everyone will want to or can understand why I share certain things or why I do certain things and that is perfectly fine. Because I am more than this blog and for those of you who know me a bit better you know the less digital me. You know the joker, the girl who laughs when something makes her sad or nervous, the woman who is shy when she meets a group of people or someone who puts her on centre stage. Some of you really see me and all the other things I am for real and others do not have the time, energy or need to look deeper.The  good news is that for what every reason, some people do and some people truly care and understand me and that is all I need.

I learned a loooooong time ago that nobody is perfect and certainly not me. It is why I understand and forgive people who have hurt me by being honest about how they feel. In this way, most people are not that different, we are all imperfect.  

xx Viking

Moving?

Hi there,

So work-wise it is hard to find something for me right now. Despite sending around 30-40 applications per month since October it seems I am out of luck. The independent woman in me feel defeated and the stubborn lady in me says DON´T give up! The stubborn lady in me wants to stay in the Netherlands but it looks like this ain´t gonna happen. I was considering going back to Norway and then continue the search in the Netherlands, yet now I think I am to my wits end with it and might just go back to Norway and then move to Bergen or something like that....

Rejection after rejection takes a toll on you and it feels like there are too many obstacles here to handle at the moment. It feels heavy to make a decision, yet this week is decision time and I feel real sad about it. Everything that has happened on the way, all the memories and hopes I had to build something great over here are slowly dying along with the part of me that wants to stay.

I am 29 and should have been a manager or owner of my own company already and instead I am here without much to be proud of. It makes me sad, real sad should I be forced to leave. Yet maybe I can make the best out of life and finally start a it in Norway? Today I have decided to start searching for Norwegian jobs as well in Bergen, Stavanger and Kristiansand (the West and South of Norway). Reason being I will then still have some friends and family near me and they are all cities with an airport.

There have been points where I have been sending applications all day and points when I have been crying myself to sleep because I did not want it to come to this point yet finally I am facing the fact. Maybe the Netherlands is not the place where I was meant to thrive? Maybe there are other things I were meant to do and maybe I was meant to do them back home? I am not sure what to think anymore, just feels like all the sacrifices I made to stay here for all kind of reasons were all for nothing and the best friends I could have asked for will be so far away once I leave. To start again is just so damb hard.... but when staying behind gets harder I am thinking there is little choice left.

By looking for jobs in Norway I might just catch myself before it is too late, though I have heard it is difficult times there as well in terms of jobs.

What to do? Where to go? It is heavy....

xx Viking

Mountain Girl - Hiking stories

Hi there, 

As many of you already may know I am a Norwegian expat living in a city called Haarlem in the Netherlands. It is a 15min drive from Amsterdam and about 20-25min with the train.  

Before I came to the Netherlands I had lived 3 years in the UK and then before that I lived many different places in Norway of course. I moved from my home town at the age of 16 and tried not to look back too much. I was always a mountain girl, kind of born/forced to climb the mountains that surrounded the city and fjord that I grew up in. The valley and city Odda is surrounded by mountains on every side and as I grew older I learned to appreciate how much you learn to channel your energy when you hike up there. When in bad shape you just want to vomit as you climb and hike onwards and upwards, but once you get to a certain point fitness wise you can do it easy as pie! A lot of tourists forget that some hikes are up to 10 hours in total and they walk into the mountains with flip-flops, the wrong type of gear and clothes and some have even wore heels (YES you heard it right). When I grew up it was layers, good shoes were important as well and and idea about where we were going (so yes , sometimes maps are necessary as well depending on the length of the hike). 

Trolltunga is an example of a hike a lot of people underestimate, they think it is like visiting the Eiffel tower. Some think it is just a few minutes of hiking and then they can take the famous selfies on the tip of the cliff. Well, this is not quite reality as the hike back and forth takes about 8-12 hours normally so good hiking shoes are definitely recommended unless you want your feet to look like they have been going through a meat grinder at the end of the hike...With that being said there are many hiking routes that are not that long. I like to go to the Buer glacier, Jordal stølen and Buer stølen are all places that you can hike and climb in a few hours time. They are tracks in my home town that I have hiked many times. 

The first hike I really enjoyed was a 3 day hike in the Etne mountains! I was 17 and hiking with my college classmates and teachers. It was our ¨icebreaker¨ and I did not feel in shape for it. It felt as if everyone around me looked like they had done nothing but climb mountains and hike in the hills for their entire lives. I felt out of shape and flabby and pretty unattractive. Yet there was something in me that wanted to show people I was no weakling either so I pushed through the pain and blisters. For me it was a kind of mental cleansing to push through the pain and people around me seemed to be going through similar emotions. I realized why people talk about hikes as if they are medicines for the soul. Because it is you and that mountain, your senses awaken and you cross boundaries within as you keep going despite the pain. If like me you have been through some rough patches in life you realise how much nicer real physical pain is compared to the mental pain you have experienced. It is like a rush and the fresh air and the roughness of the weather and landscape kind of cleans out all the dirt and shit that has happened to you.  

It gets addictive I guess if you do it a lot, because every time the hike gets easier and every time you might have to go longer or rougher terrain to get the rush you are looking for.  

I know when  I was 17 and was on that hike it felt lovely to just focus on those simple things. The way you walk and how you breathe, the way a piece of bread feels in your mouth as you sit down for a break and enjoy the view and feel the pulsing pain in your heels. The taste of food never smell or taste better then when you have been hiking for hours. Another thing, when it is time to sleep after such a hike your brain turns off immediately and you fall into the most deep sleep without any worries. Just because you are too tired to think and too tired to worry about the fact that your brain just want to get some rest and shut down for 6 hours. This is important, we are living breathing creatures after all and we need rest and recovery. 

Hiking is one of the things I really miss about Norway. Every time I go back I try to make one or two days hiking days with family or friends. In the Netherlands there are no mountains though a few hills and so I settle with the national parks when I am here.  

Xx Viking

Sunshine Dreamer

Hello dear readers,

I have been dreaming again, dreaming of when I get a job and the first vacation I will go on will be one with sunny warm beaches and cocktails on the coast. 

Maybe I go to the south of France, Spain or Italy for a weekend and if I by miracle find a well paid job I will see the west-coast of the US or South Africa! Just the thought of the sun right now is enough to get me somewhat excited! My body has this immense hunger for vitamine D without worries and drama. The feeling that things might change fast and unexpectedly is present right now. Not sure if it is a good or bad thing but I choose to think it will probably be for the better. 

Might be so that the summer is approaching and my joints are starting to soften as well as the tense muscles in my back and neck. Or maybe it is that I am sick of feeling worried about how I will solve the problems I cannot find a good solutions for. Either way, it feels nice to daydream a little about a beach somewhere and road-trips to new adventures and unplanned events. To lean my head against the car door and let the wind and sun rays hit my face an just enjoy the pure happiness that brings. 

A friend of mine is really brave, she took off for one of those unplanned road-trips through America without a job! I wish I had guts like that, yet I shall admit I might need just a little planning and security before I hit the roads. Everyone has a different approach in life, though I found that rather impressive and a gutsy thing to do. 

I actually would not mind be a sailor or work at sea that is. It would suit me quite well I think, yet I would have to take my cat with me....she is after all my one true love ;) No boat can take her place hehehe

For now though I will make do with a small trip in the Netherlands. Tomorrow I am going to Naarden-Bussum, might stroll through the landscape there and meet friends. Sunday I am thinking National Park day again though I might have to convince my flatmates and their doggies to come with;)

I hope you have a nice weekend :)

xxxViking

Rootless people

Hello dear readers,

I wanted to write a piece on a subject I often ponder about. About people like myself who keeps having a sense of rootlessness no matter where they go.

Sometimes people tell me it is because I am at a certain age where my body wants to start making babies and sometimes people say it is because I became an expat that I feel this way. So, I would like to say straight away that feeling rootless is something I have had since I was a child, it did not come to me with time and biology and thus the baby theory can be thrown out the window.

As for the other suggestion; it might be right that to some extent the distance from where I come from and my family has made me distance myself even more from that aspect of life. Surely though, if I was close to my family and had rooting and lots of good memories from my home-town I would have felt the need to go back there and start a life there instead of in the middle of Europe where I am now? You see, I cannot remember ever feeling connected to the place I grew up. Yes there are good memories as well, and yes I have a certain connection with my siblings and family, yet it is not the type of close connection I would like to have with them. That I need find elsewhere and to some extent I find it in good friends. When I moved away from home and then abroad I developed and became this new version of myself. The wings were really ready to fly and I was ready to experience what was beyond the mountains and valleys of Norway. It was then I found the friends and sort of attachment I now have to the Netherlands and England. I would not go as far as to call it rooted yet though. There is always something missing, what other people have with their families. A sense of belonging to someone, which I have yet to feel. 

This can stem from the time I was a kid and went through some awful things on a daily basis either at school or at home or both. It was circumstance partly that made things pan out the way they did and I have found a place for these things in my mind, yet in the big picture...this very circumstance and the very knowledge that anything can crush your plans makes me feel there is little point in feeling too comfy anywhere.

Insecurity and to some extent controlling emotional distress is a big part of making me feel so rootless I suppose. Looking back I was always looking for the emergency exit metaphorically and actually. To know I could get away from anything or anyone who tried to pin me down and make me do something I did not want to do was a big part of searching for escape. I do think a lot of people feel restless or rootless because of similar traumatic events, insecurity is not necessarily so visible for everyone else but for us it has a grip that forces us to not get to attached to anything. If something seems too good to be true, we have learned it usually is too good to be true.

I guess what I often ponder about is if one has come to this state of mind, is there any way to reverse it? Or will it always be like this? That I look for the emergency exit even in my good old days? I have a few friends who share this feeling, who are scared of being ¨trapped¨ again by circumstance and not be able to get out of it. It might not be a very severe fear, yet it is always there and it makes you question every decision you make. This is why sometimes I try not to think about every single decision I make, just a quick and hasty and rash decision is sometimes better to avoid the wave of questions that my insecure side would like to know the answers to to make the new exit....

The good part of having this type of view in life is that you adapt rather quick to the outside world. The bad side is you seem unreadable and unreliable to some. You also loose people on the way because of the fear drivers you have got whipping your brain when things take a new turn.

From this rootless person to the next, I think everyone has their stories which affect them one way or the other. For us it may be this, for others it may be something else. There is no such thing as an ideal person, you can at the very least hold onto moments that make you happy and let go of the worst case scenarios now and then. Trust me it helps. Seeing friends and hiking and doing sports it helps! Distracting the mind is sometimes the best way to deal with what is chewing at your grey matter. 

Keep strong, 

xx Viking

Why I love it in Haarlem

Hello dear readers,

It is time for another post! Time for a summary of why I love to live in Haarlem so much.

Well, you might think it is because of the old city centre, the history or the fact that this is the number one shopping city in the Netherlands. These are all good facts but I can tell you right now it is not the reason why I feel so at home here. 

It all starts with the people. The mix of us expats, the average Dutch family and the rich and famous and more importantly my friends! :) So, let me explain this to you all because at first glance it might look weird to mention it like this. The thing is, I have always liked mix and match when it comes to cultures and and people in general. Diversity as it where is not only opportunity but it is a necessity for a healthy community. And when you can live side by side as equals no matter your wallet size or popularity it kind of feels like home.

As I was telling some friends the other day, I love it that famous people are walking the streets here and they can do so without getting disturbed. They also do not act as if they are better than you (as far as I know anyway!) and yeah they go to the grocery shop down the street just like the rest of us. Another point about Haarlem, which I think is why all kinds of people feel so at home here is that people are really social here. People greet you and treat you with respect. Sure we have some mental people as well but it is all a part of the mix which makes Haarlem a beautiful place to live. When I first came to the Netherlands I was under the impression that the North of the Netherlands would be more cold. Though I think because of all of the international influences both Amsterdam and Haarlem has it has a warmth and groundedness you see few other places. Things move quickly and with efficiency and people might be direct but once you find your way of dealing with this and once they know you it is a friendly bunch.

The old city would be hollow if it was not for the laughter of the children or the old man walking across the bricks at   ¨De Grote Markt¨. Without the lady with the headscarf telling her friend about the lazy student they just hired and without the posh looking fashionista walking her dog past them and nodding friendly to these two ladies whilst having a phone meeting at the same time...it would not be Haarlem! 

I can sit for hours and just watch people and write what I see. I can imagine their stories from how they look,  speak or carry themselves. It is fun and to be honest I have no clue who is famous or not I just make my own story to the character I see in front of me. Maybe it is odd, but it makes me feel connected to this place...all these different people somehow makes it home. And yes let us not forget that it is easy to make friends in Haarlem, people just randomly interrupt your conversation to ask you something or just to get to know you. Sure sometimes it is awkward, yet sometimes it can be really lovely as well and it may lead to a new and wonderful friendship or just a good story.

If your groceries falls all over the pavement in Haarlem or your bus card someone will ask if they can help. At least this is my experience. So far I like it the most of the places I have lived, but that does not mean I will not change my mind. 

Best of all is that I have many good friends here. And as you know by now all of my friends are very important to me. They are the family I chose and they are the people who keep my head above water. Who knows if I will stay here, I just know this...I would like to stay here if I can and finally make some roots.

xxViking

Weekend of Relax

Dear readers,

With all the stress that has been pulling my hair out lately I have decided that the weekends are to be sacred to keep my sanity as it were. Only sending in job applications and waiting for replies does not work either so, the girl had a zen-weekend.

Friday I had Canadian visits so it suited well that I had already planned a relaxing weekend in Bloemendaal National Park and Zandvoort aan Zee. Again it is so nice to be around people one is comfortable with. This time we headed further into the park. Weather was good, cold and the view was breathtaking. Walking for hours brings me back to mother earth when things around me get a bit crazy so this was needed. It felt like escaping to somewhere nothing or no one could touch me. When one with nature and all it´s rawness I forget what is waiting for me just for a while.

    Own photo from Bloemendaal National Park , 2016

There was a café/restaurant near the beach in Zandvoort that was still open so we went there and had a bite. Fairly simple, toast and soup but these days I cherish simple and easy hahaha. In the end the view from where we were sitting was enough to satisfy.

      A photo by my Canadian friend from Zandvoort Beach 2016

The beach beneath was almost empty  and the sun was setting whilst the tide came rolling inn. I cannot fathom how much my life has changed again since last year. Yet, maybe there is a reason for the changes or maybe there is none at all. The night was spent chilling with drinks and talking about cultures all around the world, I like those sort of evenings. Perspectives shared and moments sketched from moments in history. Friday was perfect, just a stolen place in time which we all need to do sometimes.

Saturday was spent at Schiphol saying goodbye to one of my Swedish friends and then I went to meet the lovely lady Yvette for coffee. A little lady-chat later and some coffee we went home and the day after we saw How-to-Be-Single which was hilarious! Maybe this is too much information buuut I laughed so much I almost peed my pants and then you know you went to the correct movie hehehe!

It was good and lovely to see good friends again and I am sure it was time well spent. My friends is the best and I would truly be nothing without them (I know I sound like a broken record...sorry!;)

xx Viking

Dogs and Interviews

Hello again,

It is a busy week, fuck Valentines I am too busy for fluffy pink stuff right now! ;) Yesterday I had an interview, not sure yet my gut tells I was not the candidate they were looking for. Then I got called by Addeco who might have something temporary for me. I also got approached by a company I had sent an application to a good while back. I needed to do an English language test for them as a part of the process. So today I did that, interviews, updated my resume and sent some applications aaaaaand this test. Somewhere between all that I walked 2 huge dogs (correction: got dragged!). I feel like the guy from the movie called Marley and me...do you know it? Not walking the teenage border collie is not an option. The other day he made that clear when he shat and peed on the carpet....the only carpet in the house he could find...it is supersmall and I was just about to walk him.... But truly I like animals....especially when I get to clean up something that looks like a lake of urine and cow shit bathing in it ;)

The older dog is sweet and calm and only listen when he feels like it these days. Pretends to be deaf but then when you make the ¨activation or cookie sound¨ theeen he hears you just fiiiine. Yes Golfo is a sweetheart, a gentle giant , the most gentle German shepherd I have met. Easy to please and easy around any dog and person by the looks of it. 

Leo the border collie can be a typical teenager male dog testing the limits of my patience at times. It is true that I am not known to be the most patient person in the world, but animals like Leo are good for changing this. Also, when I am experiencing hardship and the dark sadness roots deep he sees it and crawls onto my lap to make me feel better. Yesterday I had one of those horrible days, feeling like a big nothing and Leo found my my arm and then my lap. His nose landed right next to mine and if there was a tear he was sure to wipe it clean. Animals detect sadness quicker then anyone and it is funny how a dog or a cat for example can differentiate between sadness, anger and stubborn behaviour. Leo seems to know just when to give comfort and he is still so young! 

                               Viking abroad and her therapist of the day! ;)

Today Leo was really playful and attention seeking, the need for boundaries is clearly there and he can differentiate real well where boundaries have been established and where they have not been made at all. Since he had so much energy today I took out his toy after I had finished my test. It is a black rubber wheel that he loves to throw around the place when he is bored. I threw it to him and he brought it back and after a while I left him to play with it himself. Leo would have none of that of course so as I sat in the sofa he decided to throw me the rubber wheel and awaited my response (see picture below!)

                                          Leo wants to play! The cat just does not do it!

Despite testing my patience at times and making the house f****ing dirty they are melting my heart at the same time. Still adapting to the situation, but I am certain we will be ok. 

xx Viking

                              

Changes and trips

Hello there peeps,

I do not write so often these days partly because I am busy making stuff happen in my life and trying to find a solution to my current situation. Hopefully I can manage to sort it out before the end this week or next. 

Mostly keeping busy writing and sending out applications and doing research on start-ups. Hoping I can start making my own business happen by the end of next year. At least that is the goal if I find a job first so I can keep my head above water. 

Except these boring notions mentioned above I have also got some new flatmates since last. Noelia still lives here but now there is one person extra plus 2 dogs and his cat. That makes for 2 cats and 2 dogs in one household for the time-being! I shall admit, it has been a while since I lived in such a busy house but we are adapting Freya and I, and for now this is the best solution for all of us. During the day I walk the dogs when I feel the need for fresh air and the need for some meditation also pushes me out of the chair. It is weird to walk dogs again, knowing the last dog I owned got taken from me just like that. Yesterday I saw him, someone I do not know was walking him....I wanted to cry when I saw it and yet there is nothing I can do. For those of you who do not know me, I used to have a dog with my first ex here and his name was Darwin.

                                 Leo, the new teenager in the house (A.Westerheim, 2016)

Anyway, I am adapting to the changes at home and I am travelling a bit to see friends. I haven´t seen Patty in a while and yesterday I saw her in Utrecht again. It brought back a lot of memories and I realize it was a good thing I moved away from Utrecht in the first place. It was good to catch up with my friend, so much has happened since last and you know there is nothing like seeing someone who meant a lot to you after a long time! :) 

After Patty I had some hours to kill in Utrecht before I met up with Jessie at a bar. Strolling through the streets alone brought back not only nostalgia but a sadness seemed to lurk around every corner and it was a bit difficult to breathe. I felt cold all of the sudden as the memories of distant hopes and dreams filled my brain once more. Jokes once spoken and kisses once shared along Catharijnesingel.....spontaneous dinners and movie nights....walking my dog with someone I thought I knew. I told my brain to let it go because it is not like I wanted that guy back who has changed and hurt me so much. I was just sad that we spent 5 years together and now all that is left of what we had is sadness and grief of a lost friendship, of lost history and of lost time. My stomach twisted inside me as I tried catching some of that cold air and guiding into my lungs. The feeling that things you hold dear turn to dust was very present in the hours when I was strolling through the city alone. Just 2 years ago I had hoped for such a different outcome.  Like a movie some memories were dancing across my iris and all I wanted was to stop it. But I know it might be good for me in a twisted way to see what hurts me, because maybe I will learn to take my time with things and take it slow and spend time on myself. At least that is the only logic I can muster to force into my frontal lobe after all that painstaking strolling along memory lane yesterday. It is an understatement to say I was happy to see Jessie waiting for me at le Journal at Neude square after my walk. It is nice to have friends that has the ability to just wash away sadness or stress just like THAT. 

Like snapping fingers my stomach was suddenly very calm again, I was even chuckling when sharing stories about silly men we have met through life and plans for the future. It is one of those friends that makes visiting Utrecht a fun ordeal no matter what happened there. A few glasses of Chardonnay later and a couple of more stories was enough to make me feel 1000 times better. Strange how it works.

Friday I went to Leiden, have not been there in a while and met with a friend from Rotterdam as well. It is nice that Leiden still remains one of my favourite cities and that the past I have linked to this city is good memories  of good people and good moments. It was a long time since I have laughed that much in one evening and it felt really great and believe me it was needed. 

Friday I got dragged out in Amsterdam to a biological restaurant called Bloom. Most dishes were vegetarian and I really really loved the food! Lovely menu and lovely company! I am so lucky with my friends and this week has been such a week of hanging out with many of the best ones as well as making new acquaintances. Monday I got lost in Amsterdam´s red light district per accident! Hahaha it was so funny as I was just very innocently searching for a café/bar where I could get a decent latte to consume. My Google maps are not really working to my defence and I have been to red light district once before but had the impression it was just a long street...well no it is really not just a street but many blocks of it! It the end I found my way out of the labyrinth of naked ladies and the horny men that were watching them in the windows but it was a close call ;) Finally we ended up back at Dam Square and decided to have drinks at Majestic instead, it was too cold to get lost again and winds were not merciful Monday evening.

Last week I also had to say goodbye to one of my friends from Sweden. The lovely lady Malin is moving back home, I hope I will see her again. I also hope I will not have to move back to Norway. It is a scary notion since my life feels very much here at this moment and I would not want to leave just yet and where would I go? It was nice cooking for my friends and sharing some drinks and stories as well. Life is busy, with all kinds of things and I will try to enjoy it as long as I can.

This week will be busy with applications and interviews and I am planning another trip to Bloemendaal national park and de Utrechtse Heuvelrug next weekend. I need some nature to and some detox days as it were. Maybe just maybe I go to Rotterdam as well this week. It depends how things go with the interviews the next few days, hopefully I have something to celebrate and then I will go collecting new good memories.

As for now, that was the most recent update on the state of things from the Viking...

xxx and take care