Missing home

It is an odd thing, how busy people seem to be all of the sudden. At the moment the world is spinning fast whilst I am in slow motion. Focus is utterly gone and so are the colors. Now you might wonder what the heck I am on about if you do not know me so well.

Let me explain. You see, certain people have the ability to make you feel good about things, places, music and even the very food you put into your mouth. You might hear Tyler Swift once alone and think...wow what a bad song and then the next time you hear it you are with a funny energetic person in the right moment and the song becomes your fun memory together. The same goes for a place. It might seem fun and colorful and interesting  in the moment when you are with the right person because he or she makes you see the place in a light you did not see it before. Your eyes feel wider and all the colous and nuances are with you in that memory forever.

At this moment, I miss my family back home very much. Things are not going so well for me and I feel a bit ¨lost¨ in this world. On Friday I went to a party held by my employer. It was a huge thing and everyone were smiling and there was free alcohol, people were in a good mood, food and entrance at the venue which happened to be one of my favorite beach clubs 'Bloomingdale' in Bloemendaal aan Zee. It was supposed to be a happy evening, it was supposed to be filled with amazing colors. But my mind is grey, flat and boring without stimuli, without that one person. Are break-ups supposed to hurt this much?  I wonder if I will ever feel excited about traveling or seeing new places again or about life for that matter. Everything is just sad and grey and painful now.

People say it will pass, like it did with others that left, people say it was short but for me the time did not feel short but true and deep. If this is love, then I do not want to feel again because nothing has colors anymore, nothing excites me and it hurts so much I beg for the pain to end at night. I have lost people before, too many times just nothing compares though and it scares me I did not see this coming  I had no idea....

For now I will stop blogging and facebook for a while, not sure if I will start it up again.

x Viking