The winter and spring are having a fight about who shall be present this march in Odda. Time passed by faster then I could ever imagine. The air feels fresh and I enjoy the little things as best I can whilst still longing for the city of Stavanger and travelling. I have had to look inwards for many months and really stand in a lot of my own mess yet still deal with those of others. I pushed away the things and people who were hurting me, I had to because in the end it was hard to survive the winter with that on my shoulders. Yet I also tried to repair certain sides of myself and relationships as well as my health. Mostly I think I am doing and have been doing ok in this, but as you all probably noticed I did not feel like sharing much of it.
A lot is changing for me now, things have happened that I did not foresee at all and though they were mostly good things it has taken me a lot dives inside my own head and heart to deal with them. For a long time now I have felt like I do not deserve love, because emotionally I am a mess of course and my life is far from what anyone would like to lead. I also lost the ability to fall in love I think...or at least I thought. Though my trust issues persist I am starting to grant myself some love allowance. Yeah, let us call it that! :) The fear of jinxing something good is keeping me from saying more about the whole ordeal, but I am happy and working on myself.
Not too long ago someone claimed I share too many of my feelings online. She was probably right, but then again most people do these days so I do not consider myself special in this and for the people who do not like what I write, simply STOP reading my blog. I would never force anyone to read what I write, nor would I wish them to. Certainly, I can question myself and what I am writing sometimes. Yet I am a writer and it is in my blood to do so and to share is just a by-product of this blog. I would never want to hurt someone else with my writings nor make someone else feel less than what they are. I just want to write and by that work through my thoughts and maybe share with people who find help in my scribbles or go through similar emotional states. This blog is also about travelling and different cultural impressions that left their footprints on my soul.
Since my last post in summer a whole lot has happened. I went to the Netherlands a few times, I moved my stuff to Norway and I travelled to Bergen, Haugesund, Florø and Stavanger a fair amount. Stavanger reminds me of Haarlem and I know people there so that is why I go there as often as I can and then Haugesund houses some of my friends which I tend to miss rather lots. So yes I have managed to travel and get away from Odda now and then. Though I feel rather ok living here , I do get restless and things are not always easy so I do try to find a job in Rogaland and to move to a city ASAP.
I am hopeful that after summer or autumn I will have found something in the city and can update my blog more often with news and emotional ups and downs ;)
My cat is loving Norway by the way, she might be Dutch and all but her own space suits her just fine and the birds that come close to the window tempt my little puma to make leaps I did not realise she had in her. In May I need to get her vaccinated again, it will be bloody expensive but gotta be done for us to be able to travel. Right now the little gremlin is sleeping at the foot of my bed.
Today I went to see my dad and grandparents. We found granddad´s old photos and would you look at that there were photos of me in all shapes and and sizes! We laughed a lot and it was really nice to sit and joke around about these things. I have not been an easy child, I know that but they were there for me anyway. In the good spirit of taking photographs I took one of the snow that settled outside on the second official spring day of the year hahaahah.
xo
The Viking
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