To Stay Alive

Hola,

Strange title for a post I know and it is a rather strange thing  to have to write about. Because there are times when I feel like I have to fight systems to stay alive and to get the help and support from doctors and employers that is needed, which should just work well in the first place. To have to defend seeing a doctor or go to the hospital should never be the case, ever. Yet in very many cases this is just what happens. The employer has no right to stop you from going to get the care your body needs to survive. Equally surprising to me is the lack of effort and knowledge in the healthcare system when it comes to really get in depth information from the patient and to use all elements in the system to give the most accurate diagnosis. Personally I am feeling the effect of this system on my body and I am forced into situations where I have to take stands and press ultimatums forward when really I am so tired and in so much agony I just want to give up and crawl into a soft black hole of duvet and hugs and never speak again. It is hard to be something I am not, a pressing, overbearing and complaining someone just to get basic rights met. Everywhere there are people who think they know what is wrong with you (especially at work) but for real they do not have a clue.

Right now a lot of things are finally happening after years of trying to get the correct diagnosis and  appropriate treatment I was entitled to all along. But my health has had to dive into one heck of a hole to get there. Right now there are not only kidney pain but also possible infections and internal  issues in the uterus as a result of a stupid mirena spiral that should have been removed long ago that a doctor insisted I keep to avoid too low iron levels. The pain in my abdomen went from bad to worse after the removal of the spiral and in 24 hours I have lost so much blood that I need anti bleeding medications and several antibiotics and pain relief. In one day I spent over 100 Eur on healthcare and about 6 boxes of medication. Strangely I feel that I came a long way today because now the doctor's alarm bells finally kicked inn and many things will happen ahead. Explaining where the pain was and about the extent of the bleeding was the only thing I managed to do today, had very little energy to do much more. If am honest I also felt pretty sorry for myself sitting there pale as a ghost and in constant agony. I got sent straight to the surgeon and he will see me again at the hospital in a few days. We have to see if the medications help at all the next few days. Talking about these things may be a good thing, because talking about bleeding and genitals, period and uterus is still a stupid taboo and how it affects the rest of you maybe even more so. Getting checked for cancers and other illnesses in your reproductive systems are crucial check ups one should do no matter how embarrassed or odd you feel about it. If something is up you may get to the right specialist and the right treatment much faster.

I am not sure what to tell myself today, like I said I feel like I am battling a system that clearly does not work as effectively as I would wish and I am just trying to stay alive at the moment. Norway, the Netherlands or England... they per my current assessment seem equally rubbish to me when it comes to healthcare and being treated right at work should you be so unlucky to fall ill without any clear diagnosis over time.

And if another person tells me to be positive now I would honestly like to say shut the fuck up! This does not help me at all, right now I am going through hell and no it is not any positive aspects to such pain! People who say this just want to feel good about themselves and experience a less negative instant vibe. This is rather selfish considering their kidneys are fine and their uterus does not feel like it is being ripped out of their abdomen. I do not want to say I am sorry for my ranting right now because it is important to know that when people are in constant pain even with painkillers or very ill it does not help them to call them negative believe it or not.... strange I know ;)

Just a tip from the iron fist Viking ;)

I do hope it all goes well and right now I am just waiting for things to happen. It seems this month and the next are going to be the ones to get answers. Crossing all my fingers and toes now and hoping for the very best.

Xo

Viking