Voids

Do you ever have those moments when life is so busy and then it is quiet all of the sudden just because you thought the weekend needed to be for once. It is one of those moments in which the thoughts travel whilst the body stays. I was always that kind of girl who could get lost in thought and it was not always a good thing. This is why I keep busy as much as I can, my thoughts are not always comforting and they sometimes suck me into a lonley place. I like people around , I like traveling and surrounding myself with things that inspire me to be a better version of myself. To strive for something better and not get stuck. When I speak I hear imperfection , a faulty feature to be altered into something more pleasing. In fact, whenever there is too much sillence I look back on my past and think about and worry slightly how my future will look like. Will it be a recollection of my current expereinces or will it be a wonder and lead me in a better direction?

I spoke to a new friend not too long ago about lonelyness. To feel lonely does not mean you do not have enough lovely people surrounding you, at least that is my experience. I think loneliness comes from within, or maybe it is a feeling you got used to in the end. A feeling connected to memories of being left behind and leaving a life behind without any takes. Yes it must be like that.

I am lucky as a girl can be, I have had one heck of a life and feel old at times because of what I went through and yet I feel like I havent seen nothing yet....nothing at at all. I like to fill my void with wonderful people and experiences, to put away the fighter in me and replace it with the pleaceful lady I feel I am becoming slowly but surely. Patience is more needed now, and gratitude for what I am actually taking inn in this current of happiness. Whilst a part of me whisper a question I often have whenever good things happen to me: ¨Do I relally deserve this? Will it be gone in a second?¨ 

It is a rather private contemplation , but I wanted to share it. Sometimes  even social or talkative people feel haunted memories and loneliness. I sure know I can be difficult to relate to at times and I do not share too much when I first meet people. For those of you that have moments like these it is ok to think about it, but do not let it get you down. I always wished I had someone to tell me how to deal with those feelings when I was a teen, sadly I didn't... There are many out there with the same feeling and the bad feeling will go away everytime you go out in the world to achieve something great and when you are busy and when you meet new people that makes you dimples appear. Those little moments when you are laughing with friends over a glass og Rose and dry white are golden to me, I would have them anyday over money or a good job because I know their true worth as I am sure kids and teeners and adults out there will or have discovered as well.

Keep holding on to the good memories when they are needed the most. They weigh out the bad stuff. If you do not have many good memories however, you need to find ways to make them. Anything is possible :) I know this.

                                           I went jogging here today (Haarlem)

Today has been a rather productive day until a few hours ago. I went shopping for a shelf in my room with my flatmate and then I went jogging after doing some cleaning. I found out jogging in Haarlem is niiiice. Tomorrow I think I will bike to Bloomendal national park and visit IKEA later as I need some things from there. This city has everything one needs I think. Today I found this hilly island and a lake ! It was around five o clock however, it felt like it was midday due to the heat. Everyday I reveal more treasures in this new home of mine. I like it more then I was expecting to actually. Is it finally peace in my life or what? :)


x Viking