Hey there,
It has been a while. Truth be told I have been so busy the last 3 weeks that I rarely got anything done with regards to writing.
Emotionally things are clearing up as well. I guess I needed a reminder on that it is ok to just be honest to oneself and others. It is okay to disagree, yet it does not make it less difficult for me when discussions get too intense. Somehow I struggle when I see my opinions or actions hurt someone else. Too long I pushed myself to the edge of the conversation to avoid conflict and just sat listening to what others thought to be best. I figured I was clear enough with my action but I guess that people will have to want to listen as well for the message to be conveyed.
Things will fall into place now, maybe they already are. The painful part is feeling like a shitty person for a while, but I am an adult so I should deal with that in such a way as one then should.... yes there will be chocolate involved and shitloads of coffee! Yes there will be PJ nights with a certain lapcat involved and oh icecream...possibly an appletini....but just Saturdays. ;) The other days I guess focusing on a new wardrobe will suffice !
Life has a funny way of teaching me big and small lessons here and there. Finally I understand some things that I failed to see clearly in the past. My patience has been tested to the point of breakage and you know what ...I think it was a good way to learn though a painful lesson at that.
I do try to learn from my mistakes, but I know I am not the most easy person to deal with at times. Some will say I own no emotions whilst others say I have too much of it. It is a balance game peeps, when to listen, when to let go, when to accept the lack of control and when to stand up for oneself.
So not saying I am perfect though! Far from it, but I do want to be better at certain things and try to understand others better. I sometimes wish my patience was better suited for this world and that my people skills in tense situations were somewhat rounder in taste. Yet I am as square with those as I am when I am in the kitchen....and I tend to flee to get that fresh breath of air again.
Funny in a way to know the logical side to an emotional response yet being unable to deal with it any different than the biology determined so many thousands of years ago. I have not been angry in many many years, not really but this week my patience really got tested to the limit and I must say it shocked me a bit. Yet my response was to leave the tense situation I was in finally. I do not like getting angry nor to feel pushed in a corner and yet there is something about the whole ordeal that really flicked a switch in my head. I realised how I must have put some people on the spot like this a few times myself without empathy or much emotional understanding as to where they were coming from in times when they felt cornered by my discussions. I cannot explain it any better than this because I do not want to go to much into details here, but something definitely changed within me.
This week turned out very different from what I planned, but I learned so much about my own responses to stress and emotional situations. I guess you could say I grew up a little (however only a LITTLE!)
Big Smooches from the Viking !
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