I Love the Blur

Hi there peeps,

It is pouring down with rain the last few days and the scent afterwards when the sun hits the moist mountain air, concrete and green leaves is somewhat addictive. It brings me back to the innocence of childhood. Not sure why that is, could it be from when I used to run away from home to live an adventure? Or is it from the times we used to build tree-huts with branches or leaves the lot of us? Was it from a hide and seek game in the fields outside my childhood home that imprinted on my brain after a rainy shower? I am not sure, but it smells familiar and it is a calming scent for whatever reason. 

The rainbow soon follows the rays of sun, as if the tiny drops of rain still hanging in the air and the rays are dancing together in this magical dance that ends up in a beautiful display of colours. 

Nature is inspiring, breathtaking and all together brilliant. It challenges us and it makes us feel humble. It also makes us soul search and face things a busy city usually tends to blur out. I find myself learning that I have become that kind of person  that loves nature but like to blur things out. I like distractions, moments that draw me towards a bliss, a smile and good times. No need to look back I think, at least if not necessary. The city makes less time for thinking, in fact it makes less time for anything to be fair. Less time for health, less time to think of things that makes one less effective. It is easy to run away from feelings in a city and get drunk on tempting new experiences. I find myself a bit torn between the 2. I like nature but I like the blur and the high paste of things in a city. I blur inn with the rest as well and I can be anonymous, to be nobody can feel rather liberating at times. To just blend inn and feel like making mistakes is no biggie. Do silly and crazy stuff without being afraid or held back by countryside gossip. Sitting on the train with music in my ears the day after a big party with the feeling I am flying through the landscape and racing through what needs some quick review in my mind, yet not for too long since the trains in the big cities tend to be quick to reach their destinations. At least in NL that is.  

In september I will finally feel like that again. Visiting the Netherlands and the cities that contains great historical monuments and energy and the famous blur I have come to appreciate. Smalltown issues become insignificant there and it takes extra effort to keep on top of everything, no need to dive into the past.

There are many good sides to blurring, there are many bad as well. After a while blurring away in life tends to extend to health and happiness. Choices become harder to make and the fear of getting pinned down to one place or person become greater with the years.  After that every encounter with people who wish to love you might just feel like an approaching cage because it threatens to unblur things ;)

Scared is a strong word but it kind of fits the setting. As we get older and more used to making our own course any threat to this no matter how great the emotions or intentions feels unfitting and scary. Because for people like me who love the blur, dealing with being a unit means dealing with giving up a part of ourselves we learned to appreciate. Maybe someone in the unit will tell us to deal with emotions or the things we like to push away for a more convenient time in the back of our heads?

Escapism is a broad term a philosopher once told me of. It fits the shoe I thought and so what? It does not matter because it just defined how I felt. I do not wanna be defined as a unit, nor just a woman or a Norwegian lass. The definition I am the most happy with is the one my friends give me....which is a broad shitload of things but none of them narrow it down to a unit or just a woman. Time and experiences along the road changes all of us , it can never be static and as much of a curse that might feel like for some. I like it this way, forever changing and evolving and who knows one day I might feel different about certain stuff but I doubt it.

Until next time peeps,

xx Viking