Hey there,
It is another smalltown grey day in Odda and I am prepping for another day at work. The air feels moist and a bit heavy as I walk towards the town centre. The wind though jumps through my hair as if to say ¨I WILL HAVE NONE OF THAT SLOW PASTE LIFE MISSY!¨ It kind of makes me cheerful and it kind of makes my thick gipsy hair messy. Then again, who do I really care to look good for in this town right? I do not want to stay for long, I cannot stay for much longer. My life consists of not much other than working my behinds off and sleeping or thinking about work or how much I miss my pillowcase!
Sharing my train of thought can be great, yet sometimes a somewhat repetitive exercise. At least it feels like that is what I am doing. However, I do feel calm in some manner because even if it disturbs me somewhat I am settling inn a bit for the moment. I am jamming to tunes with people who found themselves stranded in Odda from all over the world. We are not perfect, none of us are and so it does feel like we have at least that in common. Yesterday I sat on a bench outside the diner where I work waiting for a bus when 3 of my colleagues came outside and made a friend sandwich of us all on the bench. That moment was nice, I could barely see due to tiredness and my back was hurting like hell yet there we sat the lot of us shoulder to shoulder laughing of the crazy days we have had. It felt like an episode of Seinfeld when they meet at that bar and just sit and feel tired together while sharing that dayś events with each other. All ages, all so different and yet still imperfect and in the same mode at the end of the day. Sure we annoy each other senseless at work sometimes albeit we do work rather well together even so.
On this day I was contemplating my next step as well as thinking about how much has changed in my life the last 6 years. The hunger for stabilising a little in a city instead of a town was very much present and that too might be why I am no counting on myself more and more and on others less and less. I do not want to feel like crap for being a bit selfish now and then and to feel like I have to be sacrificing parts of my life or health for someone else just because I grew up thinking others matter more than me and my own life. I am single for selfish reasons now and still I find myself often pushing my own needs aside for the people I care about around me. In order to figure things out in my own life I need to put the needs of others a bit in the background for a while. I hope that it will not be a mistake since my gut strongly disagrees with these sort of decisions. I just have to teach myself that this is normal and that most people are a bit selfish now and then and in fact it happens a lot more than one would think.
I am awfully good at giving advice. Brilliant in fact, however I should maybe follow my own advice now and then and not worry too much about the consequences every singe time. Is my personality really this uptight with my own ego? I need to relax and just accept how life pans out and stand by my decisions no matter what happens. The road is long though and I know it will be a challenge for me. After all I am a hardcore controlfreak in some ways. But heck, let´s see if I can manage to pull my life together in a more stable way in the months to come.
xo Viking
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