Imagine

Hello there,

Not much has changed since my last post, the only thing that keeps changing is how I feel about leaving the Netherlands. To draw a simple pros and cons list as to why I should leave just does not cut it. Because not matter what, if I could I would stay. 

In my mind I have kind of, sort of come to terms with moving back to Norway. Yet I do not know how long I will stay in my homeland and maybe that is what makes me feel more at ease with it. I tell myself I will get my life back on track and travel the world like I always wanted to.

Maybe it is just me who does not feel my life is enough in order to remove the stamp chaotic, maybe it is just me and a few handful of people that sees it this way. Because I always pictured my life to have a direction by now both career-wise and relationship-wise. Of course, you could argue that these kind of things are difficult if not impossible to plan (But you are damb right if you guessed I would have loved to plan it just a little!) though, it would have been nice to know kind-of which way I should turn and what I should expect.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find this calmness everyone keeps talking about. This notion that I am heading towards something, a goal. It seems that I have in this chaos of moments crashing against each other, that I have lost my way, my outlook in life. My fear is that moving back home will screw this up even more, though to say my life could get more fucked up than it is now is hard to imagine.

Yet I am not looking for a saviour or anything like that. I am looking for a lucky break and motivation and means to actually find the way back and see the bigger picture of my life take form. It is a deep-rooted wish to find out how and where to proceed further, just so I can find some peace within myself.

Until I find my answers I think I will be more quiet on the blog. Will probably write a few pieces here and there, but not really too much about myself or personal stuff. I would also like to thank all of you who have sent me e-mails and messages wishing me well and supporting me in this difficult time.

xx Viking