Hello dear readers,
It is funny how it works, I remember when I first came to the Netherlands. I was anything except impressed by the culture and I missed both Norway and the UK so much I used to get rather upset thinking I would stay in this country forever... However, somewhere on this bizarre journey something changed. I think it was when I worked in the animal shelter DBCA. The people I met there somehow all felt like family and it was the first time I felt welcome in a workplace, it was also a big change that I was suddenly single a year later and had to decide on my own behalf whether or not I would stay. After everything that went down, and after careful consideration I decided to stay in the Netherlands. The reasons why I wanted to leave were still there but the reasons why I wanted to stay had appeared and they were called friends. I had also started to read about the history and culture of this country which made a lot of things make sense and interesting. Another reason as to why found friends in all kinds of corners because I had learned the language and therefore removed another barrier. It felt nice to be a part of the expat community all of the sudden as well as finally integrating in the Dutch society. Maybe that was the thing, it took time to adapt and to get to know new people for me at that point in time. Because in the beginning I was busy just trying to be the perfect partner for the guy I was with and that was a task because no matter how hard I tried I never felt good enough. This was entirely my own fault though, it took time to realise that but I did. I had let myself become this silent person who just nods and agrees and takes insult after insult because of what? Love? Yes it was my fault and this is something I slowly started to realise when I started working at DBCA. Finally that stubborn girl I had buried deep down was fighting back and starting to become her own person and with that detaching herself from what she considered to be love.
It was a hard possess and even after the break it took a long time to find my own voice and to be honest I think I am still working on it. Being my own person or at least becoming my own person was a big part of adapting to this new country and it´s culture. Taking time to read the books I was into and to spend time with new people after work was something I rarely had done up until that point. Sometimes you get so caught up in something that it is the only thing that seems to matter. It is not healthy yet many people do it anyway. The world is so much more though and it makes me think that maybe as single I could adapt to different countries much more easy than when in a relationship. I guess it depends which mindset one is in. For the moment though, I really like the Netherlands and I like to see the different cities that have architecture influenced by the Catholics and the Spanish and the golden age, and I also like to see the more modern architecture like the ones you find in Rotterdam. I like to do random stuff and go places with friends and do things that were not planned. I like to live life in a way that will surprise me (at least to a certain extent).
This country as well as many others I am sure, has a lot to offer. And people are open, well if you are open to them that is. It is what I had to learn on my own and I had to learn that no person for that matter should have this effect on me where I just disappear or try to strive for the impossible picture of perfection.
I am glad I stayed and even if I end up leaving I might just learn something new about me and the people that ends up in my life. I might learn new things about my own country or other countries I might end up in.
Either way, it would be nice to stay in the Netherlands and start a life here just not sure what the odds are for this happening right now. We shall see, I am still trying to pull some strings to make it happen in any case.
xx VIking
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